Hey watch your own compass! A spiritual journey.

Hey!  What the hell is that guy doing over there?  He looks like a real crumb bum that's up to no good!  And what about her?  The gal in the BMW, weaving in and out of traffic like she is some kind of big shot!  I can't stand big shots!  I love to compare myself to others, just to keep tabs on how I'm measuring up.  Am I good enough?  Am I making enough money?  Am I a better parallel parker then you?  God I hope so, even if no one else notices, it will make me so awesome.   Even in a yoga class, where I'm trying to get all spiritual and such, I'm comparing.  "You call THAT a downward facing dog?"  Or, "Sweet baby Buddha, that guy just went from crow to headstand flawlessly, I must be a real loser!"  Never mind that I have no idea how long he has been practicing or the fact that I'm about to do a face plant in ardha chandrasana because I'm watching someone else's practice, OUCH!

I seem to be addicted to watching other peoples practice, and what I mean by practice is their actual life.  That's what life is isn't it?  A practice?  We are all practicing getting good at this thing called life.  It's really just a series of standing up and falling down.  We all stand up, we all fall down, over and over again, until we learn, get our balance, move forward.  I guess part of my problem in my life practice would be watching someone else getting their balance, then critiquing them, or critiquing myself compared to them.   How do I measure up to what they are doing?  Am I better?  Worse?  Do I have a moral high ground?  Wont it feel great when I prove me right and them wrong.  I will feel good for a little while at least until I need another fix of being right like a junky.  The odd thing about this addiction of the ego is that you could never teach someone to swim by trying to describe the water to them. They have to experience it themselves.  And if it is true for them, it would also be true for me, I have to experience life, my life, not someone else's experience  of their life.

It would sort of be like being the pilot of your very own jet liner, and you have a series of very specialized destinations for you to get to in your life.  Each of these destination points is meant to be a place for you to grow and change and to become the best version of you.  So you pull out your maps, you make your plans, you chart your course, you take off into the wild blue yonder.  And you immediately start checking some other planes compass.  Not just one other plane, but EVERY other plane that crosses your path.  So you change course. "I'm not suppose to be going to Mexico City!  That guy over their is going to Paris!  I'm following him!"  Then the buzzer in your plane starts going off!  You're off course!  Turn back!  That buzzer sounds a lot like anxiety mixed with uncertainty, no?  But we can muscle past this turbulence, we can make it to Paris! We can meet that French girl that breaks our heart and leaves us with a huge credit card bill!  Oops. Back to Mexico City, where I was suppose to meet my Guru.  Oh well, fortunately the universe is more forgiving and patient then I am.  And opportunity doesn't just knock once, in fact it is always knocking, I just have a hard time hearing it over my "off course" buzzer sometimes.  To avoid as many French girl face plants as possible, I just have to watch MY compass, listen to MY inner buzzer, and fly my plane to end up exactly where I need to be when I need to be there.  And...wait a minute, did I just say that I'm a frick'n airline pilot!? Wooo Hooo!  Watch me go!

Ruts! Writers block and a spiritual journey.

Ugh!  I just can't think of anything creative to write!  I think and think and think and nothing comes out!  Actually stuff comes out but just not the stuff I want to think about!   I want to think of creative stuff and witty stuff and cool stuff!  I don't want to think of lame stuff like burritos and cat hair and sixth grade camp.  -Ugh! there it goes again, uncool random thoughts when all I'm trying to do is write.  I find myself in this comfy little rut quite often, not just when I want to be creative but anytime I want anything that doesn't come easy(ever really WANT a triple latte?  Starbucks on every corner my ass!).  Wanting to think, wanting to be creative, it seems as if every time I want to do something, or force the creative juices to flow I end up in that dry, dirty little furrow commonly known as a writer's block.

And what a perfect word for it, block.  I really do feel blocked.  Jammed.  Hindered.  But what is it that is doing all of this blocking, jamming up my creative flow?  Could it be the very thing I think I have to do which is to think?  But how would anything ever get created without me thinking of stuff?  Everything that got created was thought about first right?  The light bulb?  The wheel?  The clothes pen?  Stairway to Heaven(oooh yeeaah!)?  Well, funny you should ask(like how I included you?).  Einstein, you know, Al, he was quoted as saying, "No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it".  I suppose with that same line of thought one could say that nothing new can be created from an old way of thinking.  Or a current consciousness can't be imagined by using stored memory or old creativity.  Like the lightbulb  couldn't have been created by thinking of the technology that invented the wheel.   A whole new paradigm had to be opened up for the new creation.  Speaking of the light bulb,  Thomas Edison, and Einstein, along with many other creative people throughout the ages practiced some form of meditation that they credited as the spark for new ideas.  So, it's actually a matter of NO thinking that will get us out of this self imposed jam, not more thinking!

Busy beaver, that's me! Busy with all of my thoughts, all my wonderful old ideas from the storeroom of my mind.  I use these thought logs to dam up and block me from any sort of real creativity that is bouncing around in the universe, just waiting for an open mind to settle into.  Light bulbs and wheels and Stairway to Heaven(oooh yeeeah!) can't share the stage in your mind with hairball, fabric softener, meatballs.   My mind has to be an open receiver for fresh, new, creative ideas.   Next time I'm all blocked up with my lame thoughts, I have to just walk away, literally.  Walk through nature, go for a swim, take a break from whatever it is I am trying to think my way into creating.   Meditate, take a nap even, anything but THINK.  Wanting something would imply that I don't have something in the first place, and the universe loves nothing more than to affirm my beliefs.   Just BE, be creative, or be the space where creativity can manifest within me.  From this state I can crawl out of my little rut and create!  I'm taking the burrito with me though.