Hey! What the hell is that guy doing over there? He looks like a real crumb bum that's up to no good! And what about her? The gal in the BMW, weaving in and out of traffic like she is some kind of big shot! I can't stand big shots! I love to compare myself to others, just to keep tabs on how I'm measuring up. Am I good enough? Am I making enough money? Am I a better parallel parker then you? God I hope so, even if no one else notices, it will make me so awesome. Even in a yoga class, where I'm trying to get all spiritual and such, I'm comparing. "You call THAT a downward facing dog?" Or, "Sweet baby Buddha, that guy just went from crow to headstand flawlessly, I must be a real loser!" Never mind that I have no idea how long he has been practicing or the fact that I'm about to do a face plant in ardha chandrasana because I'm watching someone else's practice, OUCH!
I seem to be addicted to watching other peoples practice, and what I mean by practice is their actual life. That's what life is isn't it? A practice? We are all practicing getting good at this thing called life. It's really just a series of standing up and falling down. We all stand up, we all fall down, over and over again, until we learn, get our balance, move forward. I guess part of my problem in my life practice would be watching someone else getting their balance, then critiquing them, or critiquing myself compared to them. How do I measure up to what they are doing? Am I better? Worse? Do I have a moral high ground? Wont it feel great when I prove me right and them wrong. I will feel good for a little while at least until I need another fix of being right like a junky. The odd thing about this addiction of the ego is that you could never teach someone to swim by trying to describe the water to them. They have to experience it themselves. And if it is true for them, it would also be true for me, I have to experience life, my life, not someone else's experience of their life.
It would sort of be like being the pilot of your very own jet liner, and you have a series of very specialized destinations for you to get to in your life. Each of these destination points is meant to be a place for you to grow and change and to become the best version of you. So you pull out your maps, you make your plans, you chart your course, you take off into the wild blue yonder. And you immediately start checking some other planes compass. Not just one other plane, but EVERY other plane that crosses your path. So you change course. "I'm not suppose to be going to Mexico City! That guy over their is going to Paris! I'm following him!" Then the buzzer in your plane starts going off! You're off course! Turn back! That buzzer sounds a lot like anxiety mixed with uncertainty, no? But we can muscle past this turbulence, we can make it to Paris! We can meet that French girl that breaks our heart and leaves us with a huge credit card bill! Oops. Back to Mexico City, where I was suppose to meet my Guru. Oh well, fortunately the universe is more forgiving and patient then I am. And opportunity doesn't just knock once, in fact it is always knocking, I just have a hard time hearing it over my "off course" buzzer sometimes. To avoid as many French girl face plants as possible, I just have to watch MY compass, listen to MY inner buzzer, and fly my plane to end up exactly where I need to be when I need to be there. And...wait a minute, did I just say that I'm a frick'n airline pilot!? Wooo Hooo! Watch me go!
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