Have you ever woken up at 3 am in a cold sweat worried that your rent was going to be late? Or maybe that the project you have due at work wont be finished on time? Or that no one will ever love you? Or that you're about to run out of toilet paper, or you don't have any clean underwear, or if that gopher keeps digging holes in your front yard your whole house will fall into a sink hole??? Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm, don't you just love that tasty anxiety? There are so many wonderful things to worry about, its really hard to choose just one. In fact, a lot of the time I don't choose at all. Many times I have found myself in just a general state of worry, nothing to be concerned with really, just hedging my bets, putting a little worry away in the anxiety bank account for a future date just in case I can't find something legit to worry about later on. This all gets very tiring putting all of this energy towards future events that may or may not happen, not to mention the lack of sleep from all those 3 am wake up calls. I know I'm not the only one, I've had many friends and family tell me that they were worried about something quite often. Whether it be a dentist appointment, a date, loss of a job, geopolitical events, the list goes on and on of all the future things we focus our energy on. But why? I ask myself if worrying about anything has ever changed any future event in my life for the better or the worst? Has it ever even motivated me to change? And even if it did, was I in a clear enough state to make a good decision if I was feeling anxious?
And what is worrying anyway? Why do we humans do it in the first place? I've noticed that with me, I almost become enveloped in the worry, I actually became it. My awareness was so focused on whatever it is I was worrying about that I became the anxiety itself. Like a dark cloud or a fog that I can't seem to find my way out of. A fog bank is a horrible place to be if you're trying to solve a problem. From inside the fog bank it is impossible to see if there is even a problem that needs solving. Recently, through my practice of meditation and breathing exercises, I started to create a little space in-between me and the worry. Sort of like blowing away a little bit of the fog to make a clearing so I can see some space; so I can see the problem itself. Little by little and with some patience I started to be able to create more and more space and less and less fog. I started to reside more within the space, with awareness. And the problem that was worrying started to become more of a little smoke ball rather then a huge fog bank. I also started to see that all of the things that I was worrying about were in the future, none of them were happening right now. In reality, the right NOW was pretty awesome, I was snuggled up in my warm bed. And even if there were an overdue electric bill, or a burrowing gopher, or some impending doom under my pillow, what would or could I do about it right here and now in the middle of the night? With this awareness my worries or anxiety started to lose its power and dissipate, like a cloud past a mountain top.
Now, on occasion, when old man anxiety nudges me out of my slumber, I breath, create some space, come back to present, and like a bear I go back to my nightly hibernation under my comforter. Ah to be a bear, to be any species other then a human, not a worry in the world. Only we humans are conditioned to focus on the future, to worry about what might or what might not happen. And what a colossal waste of this incredible time we have here on this planet. The rose doesn't fret if it's not going to get enough sun light next week, the dolphin never worries that it may run out of water to swim in, the bear doesn't worry that it's not going to get enough salmon to eat before winter, the salmon doesn't even worry that it will get eaten by the bear on its journey up stream. Of course I don't know for sure that other species don't worry, it's just that I've never seen a tulip pacing the floor biting it's peddle tips concerned whether the soil will have enough nutrients for it to bloom. It all sounds pretty silly when put into this context, but silly is a pretty accurate description of most things humans do when they are in an unconscious state. When I started practicing separating myself from the anxiety and the worry, the effort created more freedom, energy and aliveness. There is more of a clarity to my choices. More of a proactive attitude toward problem solving and prioritization. And way more energy to experience reality right now just as it is. There is a big lesson for us in observing nature. All of nature flows and exist and thrives without worry, all of nature except for us. I think it's high time we join the party, or picnic, or jamboree or whatever it is bears do in the woods.
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