Have you ever had your heart broken? Ugh, sucks mucho! How about an "unexpected" bill just when you saved up enough money for those new hot pants you've been eye ball'n? Or a pet that past away? Or a cell mate named Bubba? Yikes! Hope thats a no on the last one! We all have experienced some kind of loss that is very painful to be on the receiving end of. When it happens it sometimes doesn't seem like there is a light at the end of the tunnel or that there is any value or purpose to the pain. A lot of times you'll hear banal comments by friends and family like, "everything happens for a reason", or "don't worry, better times are right around the corner for you" or "lets have a drink and forget your sorrows!" or maybe even, "Be strong!". But, are we really suppose to "be strong"? What's wrong with being weak? Or at least vulnerable? Maybe we are merely conditioned that those feelings are icky and should be avoided at all costs. And what about this "everything happens for a good reason" mumbo jumbo? No one ever tells you what that reason is and rarely do they have a solid example to share that they experienced this "good reason".
I know that for me, I've had plenty of craptacular things happen in my life. Most of which I never saw the good reason that these things were happening, not even in the long term. I would just lick my wounds, "be strong", commiserate with friends, and eventually just forget about the painful situation. Then maybe another situation would happen, similar, but not the same, or so I thought. There were "different" players, it was a different time, somewhat different circumstances, but very similar heartbreak or loss. Then I would repeat the cycle, take all the fantastic advice from friends and family, never really questioning its validity, and move on down the road. Then one day I got sick and tired, sick and tired of excepting lame comments like, "time heals all wounds", I know statements like this are they are meant well, but really? I had plenty of scratches that hadn't heeled up proper, and I was fix'n ta change all that!
It isn't actually time that heels wounds, time really doesn't do anything. It's what you do IN the time that actually heels the wounds. More accurately it really isn't all that much about doing or heeling either. It's about sitting and growing. It's about being present in the hurt or the loss or the sadness or the anger. It's about feeling all of those things in there entirety and allowing them to express themselves, allow them to deliver the message that you need to hear/feel. I was so conditioned to "toughen up" or to believe that "big boys don't cry" or to "be strong" that I would suppress those feelings. I falsely gave them a meaning of being "bad" or "weak" or "scary". In doing this I doomed myself to feel them again in a greater intensity. Now I'm not saying that if you allow yourself to feel these emotions that nothing bad will happen to you again, but when it does, you will have grown, gotten stronger and wiser. You'll not only become closer and more compassionate to yourself, you will be more present and available to friends and family that need someone to just BE there and LISTEN when times are tough for them. I see now that some of these rotten things that pop up in life aren't really all that rotten, that's just a meaning I gave the events. But once I start to consider them as more of a compost to life, a necessary, value giving part of my growth, it lessons the blow a bit. I still hurt, I still get angry, but I feel it a little more fully, I pay attention to the message or the lesson that is in it for me. Everything does happen for a reason, it happens to fertilize us. Like manure to a rose, without which nothing would ever grow.
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